It's about that time to finally write this blog post. I wont lie, I've been dreading it because I'll sound like I'm throwing myself a pity party no matter what... cause it's sad... but I am doing really well with the support of good family and friends.
First and foremost, I'm moving back to the US. I'll be in St. Louis until at least March if not indefinitely. I could say that it has everything to do with my grandmother recently being put in hospice care or wanting to be with my family but more than anything it has to do with my heart. The day after thanksgiving Rody and I decided to breakup. I wont lie, I'm still a bit angry about how things went down but we are speaking again and have decided to "take a break" and not breakup breakup. Apologies on both side have been made but regardless we have decided to just be friends for now. And in the meantime I realized how much I would have resented him for not being here with my family, especially my father, through this really really difficult time. And I might have resented him for Buenos Aires too, if I had not stepped back and really decided for myself that this is what I want to do. Regardless, the next step involves school, either here in STL or in Buenos Aires, as I'm taking the time to really think about what I want for my future instead of really focusing on the future of someone else. Luckily, he still wants to move forward and think about his future. He is still planing on school in Buenos Aires, and now with a lighter spirit because he's doing it for him not for me. He has not fallen down the rabbit hole as some predicted but instead has grown drastically. I feel luckily that I can and will always consider him at the very least my friend.
I dont really know why but I feel I also need to say a word about his mother. I'm deeply hurt and offended at the attacks she has made on my character and the attempts she continues to make to keep us apart even as just friends. From calling me cheap... to telling me that Rody had cheated... so much so that in moments of rage I've wanted to say horrible things. Sadly I know where it comes from and I feel sorry for her more than anything in the world. I keep praying for her, hoping that some day she too will be happy. And so I'm asking all of you to pray for not just me during this difficult time, but for her too. I cannot imagine what she is going through from already loosing one son to Buenos Aires and soon another, to questions and problems in her own relationship, and then finally the same sort treatment she gives me from not just one woman but many. I wish that she would open her heart to me and know that I've never wanted anything more than the best for her and her family. I may not always be the best person but I try to be the best I can and that's all I can do.
I have no regrets and that's the important thing. I feel blessed every day and not because I'm writing my blog and have to say that but because yesterday I made cupcakes with my father, held my grandmother's hand when she could not breath and was having a panic attack about dying, and tonight I'll be iceskating with my cuz... There is nothing in this world like unconditional love provided by your family, I hope to find one day a man that too loves me as my family loves me. Will Rodrigo be that person? I dont know... I have faith in God that everything will work out as it's meant to be...
LOVE YOU ALL!! BESOS